Predictions for Andy's Future Career Path

As a child, I can remember my favorite topic of consideration: What are you going to be when you grow up? Most of my life, the question was easily answered, depending on my age: novelist, astronaut, pilot, Military Police, under cover detective, troubleshooter (Okay, so I watched a little too much 21 Jump Street and MacGuyver).

Most kids love that topic but you begin to realize, once you have kids, that adults wonder the same thing about their own children. I think every parents dreams of the wonderful career achievements their child will make one day. For a lot of parents, the list includes doctor, lawyer, or President. Personally, I will wholeheartedly advice against any of those jobs for my own kids, and encourage them to shoot for more realistic goals (particularly those that won't force me to take a second mortgage on my house for the college loans).

As for Andy, his current answer to that question is a "helicopter driver". Sure, kid. If you're gonna dream, dream big, right? That does sound like a pretty cool job. My 4th grade bff, Brian, wanted to do the same thing. He ended up in the Merchant Marine, instead. Okay, so boats and helicopters are pretty different, but it's still a pretty darn cool job.

For Andy, my money is on something scientific or engineering related. Possibly computers. But to determine some other predictions for Andy's future career, I began looking back through the things he has said in his lifetime. I have a book of quotes and stories that I keep, entirely dedicated to the great things that my kids say. Let me list a few of the entries here, along with the potential jobs that might be associated with such thinking. In about twelve years I'll be able to say which one actually pans out.

1. Airplane Pilot:

Jan. 2005
We were heading to gymnastics on Bryant Drive when someone pulled out in front of us. I slammed on my breaks and Andy said, "Mommy, do we have to eject?"


2. Homeless Man:

Feb. 25, 2005
Andy was standing in Daddy's way at the door. Daddy said, "Look out, Sonny." Andy replied, "I'm not Sonny. I'm a little poor boy."


3. Gay Biker:

March 17, 2005
Andy: "I love motorcycles. And I love guys who ride motorcycles."


4. Middle Management:

October 3, 2005
Andy came in from playing outside and was talking to Daddy about the bees in the yard. He commented that he didn't like bees because they have stingers. Daddy said, "Leave them alone and they won't hurt you. They're just doing their jobs." Andy looked confused and asked, "Then, where are their computers?"


5. Construction Worker

December 30, 2005
Andy had climbed into bed with us in the early morning, and began squirming. He said, "This little penis is tickling me." I told him to use the potty, and when he had finished, he returned to my side. He asked what "that" was. Daddy explained that some guys call it "morning wood". He looked at us funny and said, "No, it's not made of wood. You can't build a house out of it."


6. Hair Stylist

January 26, 2005
Andy: "What are you doing, Mommy?"
Mommy: "Putting mousse in my hair."
Andy: "So you can be cool?"


7. Real Estate Agent

May 5, 2006
Terry and I were talking about a job prospect in Birmingham. we were exploring the options for housing, should Terry decide to take the job. Andy had been listening quietly, and suddenly interrupted us. He said, in a perfect Michaelangelo imitation from the 2nd Ninja Turtles movie, "Guys, guys, guys! I know! Let's do Time Share!"


8. 911 Operator

July 5, 2006
I was teaching Andy about emergencies and what to do if he ever needed help. I taught him about 911, and we practiced dialing, then we roll-played about six times, with Andy playing the roll of caller, and I was the 911 Operator. Every time, I'd answer, "911--What is your emergency?" Andys pays a lot of attention to detail, so I fully expected him to answer the same way when it was his turn to be Operator. I called him on our pretend phone and said, "Help! My Daddy fell down the stairs and broke his arm!" Without missing a beat, Andy grimaced and replied, in a tone very reminiscent of Beavis and Butthead, "Ow--that musta hurt."


9. Porn Star

June 3, 2007
Andy and I were out shopping, and he made a comment about something. I told him, "You're getting too big for your britches." He looked at me funny, so I asked if he knew what britches are. He said he didn't. I told him, simply, pants. I could see the wheels turning in his head, and he was silent for a few seconds. Then, he said, "Penis?" Confused, I asked, "huh?" He said, "Is my penis getting too big for my pants? Do I need new pants for my penis to fit inside?"


10. Exercise Guru

June 8, 2007
Andy: "I want to do Elmocize tomorrow. I want to exercise so I don't die."


11. Buddist Monk

June 2, 2007
Andy heard us talking about death, and asked what reincarnation is. After I explained it to him, he loved the idea and decided that he wants to be reincarnated into a new body now. He asked, "Mommy, will you die with me?"


12. Proctologist

July 4, 2007
While watching the fireworks, the kids tried mini-jawbreakers for the first time. I told Haddie to suck on them, but don't swallow them. Andy asked, "Why? Because she'll get a hard poop?"



13. Cigarette Ad Agent

Andy and I were looking at pictures I took of Haddie at the Jack Daniel's distillery. She was dressed in overalls and had a stick in her mouth. Andy asked, "Why is there a stick in her mouth? Does she have a stickerette?"


14. Catholic Priest

July 16, 2007
Andy was watching a show with Terry. The characters were heading toward a church. Andy asked, "What is a church? Is that where dead people live?"

October 14, 2006
During Bun's wedding, in which he was the ring-bearer, Andy pointed out the huge cross on the back wall behind the pastor. He asked, "What's that big T?"



15. Brain Surgeon

September 14, 2007
Haddie: "My head is broken."
Andy: "Your head isn't broken. It's just alive."

September 17, 2007
Andy: "What's wrong with me? It looks like my brain was having a heart attack."



16. Dentist

See "Haddie's Lost Tooth" blog entry below.


Well, that is my list. I'm sure there will be more in time. He is such an ambitious child, after all. ;-D