I keep a book, handwritten if you can fathom that antiquated method of documentation, which captures all the wonderful things my children say. All too often, their hilarious comments and observations are quickly forgotten, so I try to write them down immediately.

Someday I will give them the book (by that time, perhaps I will have transcribed another copy) so they can enjoy all of their quotes.

It's been a while since I've shared the collection, so I'll list a few of the more recent ones.


May 14, 2008

Haddie broke the lightbulb in her lamp. They were both very concerned that I would be mad, and I could hear Andy talking to her as I approached the room. He said, "Haddie, I want to tell you something about lies and truths. Well, accidents CAN happen sometimes, but not really lies, but purposes can happen, too."


May 30, 2009

I was singing while doing the dishes. Haddie said, very sternly, "No, Mommy. This is NOT American Idol."

Everyone's a critic.


June 12, 2008

I was sharpening my kitchen knife with a sharpening stick (it clangs and sounds like swords). Andy asked what I was doing and when I told him, he said, "Oh. It sounded like you were fighting evil."


June 28, 2008

Andy: Mommy, I love you. I'll always be with you. When I'm a father and have kids, I'll still be with you. Yeah. And when I'm a father and Haddie's a mother and we have kids together, we'll still live with you, okay?


April 29, 2009

I told Andy that I have another infection under my arm and that I needed help with the chores. He said, very seriously, "Well, Mommy, if it gets really bad, you'll have to cut your arm off, you know."


June 6, 2009

Andy slipped and fell on his hip. He got up rubbing it and said, "Ow! I hurt the left ankle of my butt!"


June 14, 2009

In school, the kids have studied bugs and learned that each bug has a different name. We had a rogue mosquito in the house and I couldn't kill it. After swatting and missing, I lost track of it. I said (to myself, under my breath) "Where is the little bastard?"

When I couldn't find it, I turned my attention to something else. A few minutes later, Haddie got excited. She said, "Mommy! Right there! There's the Little Bastard!"

Andy said, "I see it! I see the Little Bastard! Kill it!

They thought a "little bastard" was a type of mosquito.


June 30, 2009

When Haddie awoke, she had four mosquito bites on her face. She said, "Mommy, was it that Little Master you tried to kill? Did you kill that Little Master, or is this a new Little Master?"

Andy corrected her. "No, Haddie! It's a Little BASTARD! Mommy, did you kill that Little Bastard, or is this a new Little Bastard?"

Haddie cocked her head in confusion. "Oh. I thought it was called a Little Master..."


June 16, 2009

Andy was carrying around his CD/radio combo, trying to make it play.

Andy: Mommy, back in the old days, how did people use their radios without plugs?
Me: They didn't. Not before plugs were invented.
Andy: No, I mean, back in the Ninja Turtle days, how did they carry their radios around and play music?
Me: Oh! You mean the guys carrying big boom boxes?
Andy: Yeah! In the Ninja Turtle live-action movie days.
Me: They used batteries.
Andy: OH!!! (chuckles to himself)


June 19, 2009

While closing the lid to the plastic rice container, I accidentally snapped a piece off. Haddie, who was standing behind me watching, tutted. "Uh oh, Mommy. Now you're gonna have to pay for that."


June 19, 2009

The kids make "pets" out of almost everything. The dead (and nasty, stinky, decaying) toad they brought in today. The Daddy Long-legs in the bathroom. The palmetto bugs on the porch.

While playing outside, they brought in a chunk of rock, about the size of a paperweight.

Haddie was playing with it and I heard her say, "I think it's not really a rock. It's a pet meteor."


June 20, 2009

I'm reading Harry Potter to Andy and I tend to develop a British accent, even when I'm trying not to.

Andy said to me, "Mommy, speak regular. You know, like a normal human."


July 4, 2009

Terry accidentally broke my favorite coffee mug this morning. He felt really bad about it and apologized for being clumsy.

Andy, trying to make him feel better, said, "It's okay, Daddy. Sometimes I get clumsy, too, when I'm drunk."

I asked him what he gets drunk on. He said, "Oh, milk and juice and stuff like that."